dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
