Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
