I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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