I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
