Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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