she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
