Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
