He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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