How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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