what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
