i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
