i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
