I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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