I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
