At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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