I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
