I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
