its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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