I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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