this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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