i think my mom watched the whole time
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
