he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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