We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
