If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
