I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
try to milk me bitch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
