worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
