her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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