Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
