Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
