So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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