It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
