What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
