wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
