Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
