It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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