I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
