she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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