sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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