Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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