I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
