Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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