i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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