the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
