My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
