You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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