epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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