Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
