whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
