Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
