just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
