Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sponge bath it is.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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