so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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