Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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