Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
