How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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