Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
