I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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