i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
