the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
