I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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