You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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